What have you done for me lately? Besides ruining things?

Though farts are technically not living beings, we tend to personify them in colloquial speech, as if to suggest that farts have a mind of their own. This personification of odors is best depicted in an episode of Seinfeld, when the odiferous valet leaves in Jerry's BMW a stench - so vile - so powerful - that Jerry's prized automobile was rendered completely undriveable - and unsaleable! Admittedly, B.O. (and I mean REALLY bad, like sweaty Southern Germans in summer with no deodorant - you know who you are!) is truly unpleasant. However, there are countless ways - many of them as simple as headin' over to your closest Duane Reade - to rectify, improve and/or address the problem....but farting? What is there other than Beano™ and maybe a handful of Tums®?

In short, farts are very complicated, and as such, their odor can possess a power that can cause the difference between life... and death (either through laughter or through suffocation ...and also spontaneous diarrhea (oops! a wet one!). Clearly, the issue at hand is not whether we can reduce the amount of farting (though, that could be interesting to address in a future post, perhaps with a help of a nutritionist or the great Susan Powter, but rather how we can raise awareness about encouraging New York City (and by proxy, the world), to choose appropriate venues for passing toxic wind. We'll be getting to these in some of the following posts, so stay tuned and eat some Mexican food!

I've heard countless conversations among people all around New York that apply this same personfication principle to farting.

"Ew, that fart came outta nowhere!"

"That fart could've oblierated a small country."

"Ew, dude, your fart almost made me puke!"

"He farted while we were under the sheets and it [the fart] made me wanna break up with him."

I invite you to ponder the power of the fart for a few moments....think about what an ill-placed one can potentially do, not only to yourself, but to the people around you (and said fart). I've heard stories of farts ruining relationships, initiating vomit-inducing responses from its surrounding victims, and causing some deaths (I'll work on getting some proof on this one, but I mean, come on! Surely someone out there died at the hands of a mighty fart. And by died, I mean died....of LAUGHING!!!